"The wilderness does not have to be a negative time if we are eager to obey GOD."
As this new year approached, I just had enough. It was one struggle after another, some from last year, some over the course of time, one prayer unanswered after another and it just felt like God wasn't present. I bought a book last year and I read the first chapter and felt no connection to it at all. I "understood" what the author was saying but it still didn't hit me in a way where I would just sit still and realize God's word was already speaking to me.
It wasn't until I was completely overwhelmed by everything overall that I couldn't really handle the level of emotional stress I was facing. I then felt the sudden urge to return back to the book I bought last year and to see what this wilderness journey was all about. This time around, I opened my heart and mind up to what I was about to read. This time around I was opening up my mind to the things I wasn't opening up myself to and did not really let go of the difficult matters and allow God to help me. I was still trying to do things my way rather than being patient and seeing that God is setting up something great for me.
I will be sharing pieces I learned from the book and also intertwining my own experiences in the upcoming weeks in hopes it gives some encouragement in your life. This book has helped me see a better perspective on the wilderness journey of life and has made me more hungry and thirsty for God's word and His presence. I invite you to take this journey with me and I hope that you will see and experience God's movement in your life within this seasons you are going through.
Have you ever had a time when it seemed like God was so close that all you had to do was whisper and ask for something and He'd answer? But then came a time when you prayed for one thing after another but there was no response and it felt like he just disappeared from your life and you asked, "God, where are you?!"
That has been my journey in the last year or so. Last year, I couldn't really understand why my sister passed away beyond the medical reasons given. I felt like God didn't hear my prayer when I asked for her to be healed and to survive her battle with brain cancer. In the last couple of years, I asked for a better job, and other personal requests I needed Him to answer, and yet it felt like He didn't answer or hasn't answered.
Frazzled with the circumstances that have occurred and drowned in a river of doubt and discouragement, I searched and I wondered and still couldn't find the answer until I realized the season of life I was currently in was a wilderness journey. If we are to be like Jesus in reflecting His character, we ourselves need our character to develop. As I reflect on the first chapter of the book I'm currently reading, it's brought great insight on what and why a wilderness journey is necessary for the children of the Kingdom.
During this journey, it will really feel like God is a million miles away and not present or as if His promises seemed empty (this is how I felt when my sister was at the end of her life). In all reality, although this is how it feels, it isn't true. This is the journey when it appears to be going in the opposite direction of your dreams, desires, and the promises you were certain God made to us. However, the wilderness is a necessary place for every child of God. In order to progress towards a healthy maturity as a disciple of Jesus, we actually may have several wilderness experiences. I know I have.
Being in the wilderness of life can be difficult especially when you don't realize you're in one and you're on this journey alone. I always knew trials were the situations that aid in growth but as I got older and was no longer a child, the journey became difficult. This past year my wilderness journey has been the worst I've ever experienced so far. I've been dealing with a couple other "unanswered" prayers throughout the years and dealing with the passing of my sister. Without the realization of being in the wilderness, trying to patiently journey through it, and knowing I need to depend on God, life will be full of complaints instead of joy. I fall guilty to that attitude and mindset.
When I didn't really realize I was experiencing a wilderness journey, I would complain a lot about why I encountered these difficult or unfair scenarios. I found it negative even though my parents would remind me that these are the seasons of growth. If we focus on the things above (Col. 3:2), then the Lord will lead us to greater things. After searching for answers, I couldn't fully find them. I just had a grasp of what I've known thus far. One of the things I realized is how in today's society, most of us have a tendency to treat God like a vending machine where when we need something we invest in Him and when we don't need anything from Him we seem to walk away and go on with life. It wasn't until I prayed to God to speak to me some how, whether it was through people (which I think He tried but I wouldn't listen), through His word, or even a book.
Although the wilderness can seem so negative, I've come to find joy in this wilderness journey. I am going through such a season dealing with the passing of my one and only sister/sibling, dealing with the unfortunate circumstances I deal with at work, and waiting on something you want so badly but it still hasn't happened. Something that stood out to me as I was reading my book was when the author said, "The wilderness does not have to be a negative time if we are eager to obey GOD." In saying this, it isn't just about following what He says in the word but it's literally eager to obey God even through the times of struggles!
I've found myself guilty to finding the quickest escape out of my wilderness journey. I pray to God for help and an answer but later on without realizing it, I was taking matters into my own hands by finding different routes to speed up this entire situation and getting the answer I was "waiting" for. I have to say I panicked without really seeking God's direction in some of the decisions I've made for my career. Eager to move up financially and title wise, I left the company I was working for which was only 6 miles away from home and a 12 minutes drive, and worked in Irvine, California which was about 47 miles out from where I lived and resulted to a 1.5 to 2 hour drive one way.
I was so impatient waiting for a title change that after 5 years it felt like it was too long and I needed to leave for better opportunity. I prayed for more money and a better title and when it appeared, I thought this was my way out of that dry season and took the first out with money and title being important in my mind. With that being said I prolonged my wilderness journey in my career. During this time, I ended up working for someone who was crazy, who seemed like they were two different people, lied about my benefits, took money out of my paycheck, who expected us to work 12+ hour days, and on top of that only gave 3 days of PTO for the entire year.
So I had the title and was given the money but was this the greatest move ever? HAHA DEFINETLY NOT! But this is where the molding of my character as a Kingdom child and true dependence on God began. I rushed the decision and was looking at things that weren't important. I was so eager to cross another one of my goals off the list and make sure it was on my personal timeline that I wasn't including God fully in my journey.
When I prayed about going to Irvine for my new job, I truly now believe I wasn't really waiting on God's direction. I heard everything I wanted, "prayed", went OK, THIS IS IT!, and went on with what I thought was the right thing to do. I was driving a total of 4 hours a day, going to a job with a very bad environment, working for someone who lied about their business and the people in it, and I was getting sick every week from all the stress. I would wake up go to work and by the time I was home it was already time for me to get ready for bed and start the routine all over again. Life felt like I was on autopilot doing the same thing everyday until the weekend.
Since I didn't understand the season I was in, I was experiencing more hardship, frustration, and defeat. I literally was like the children of Israel. God was bringing them to greater things when He took them out of Egypt for they were captive as slaves. However, because they did not focus their eyes on God and have faith in His plan in taking them to The Promise land, the journey ended up being 40 years rather than a year or less. God's purpose for the children of Israel was to test, train, and prepare them for their new homeland The Promise land; however, instead of understanding the wilderness and depending on God Himself, they saw this journey as punishment and they complained constantly and did things that was not of the Lord.
Paul states, " These things happened to them as examples, and they were written for our instructions" (1 Corinthians 10:11 CSB). If we learn to recognize when we are in a wilderness journey instead of complaining, we can be grateful knowing that beyond the circumstance we are facing, there is a "promised land" of new maturity, blessings, opportunity, and fulfilled promises. In doing so, don't you think it would make the difficult times not so difficult? We can then agree with James in James 1:2,4 when he writes, " When trouble of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.. For when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and completed, needing nothing".
How amazing is that feeling when you look at the blessing rather than the hardship? During this time, we are all experiencing this COVID-19 pandemic where our normal day to day lives have been changed. I honestly complained when things changed in addition to when my sister passed away. The restrictions within funeral homes were changing constantly. I had to say goodbye to my sister in their ID room and was only given 20 minutes. There was no normal 2-3 hours viewing that could be a 2 day thing, it was 20 minutes. 20 MINUTES! How do you even come to terms with that? Your loved one passed away and you aren't given time to spend your last moments with them.
There were so many things that happened around the COVID-19 lockdown that for some time I saw the situation so negatively instead of seeing the blessings that came out of it as well. As I spend time reading what James stated, I started to be overly thankful despite all the bad. Finding Joy through it all. I began to consider this trouble an opportunity of great joy. I am thankful to be working from home. With that, I am able to really have a good work/life balance where I began to have time and energy to do other things outside of work. I was no longer tired from driving in traffic day in and day out. I was given the opportunity to spend time enjoying the things of life.
In the morning while I work, it feels nice to get up once in awhile and go outside and visit the plants I planted and having zero excuse to not have time to spend with the Lord. What was a terrible scenario was actually a great opportunity to be able to do the things I've been meaning to do. If we fix our eyes on God and consider the troubles that come our way as an opportunity for great joy, we can overcome the obstacles and different wilderness journeys we will face in life.
I know that we have a tendency to think that when we are in a wilderness journey it's because we could have done something bad in life. Friends, I'm here to say that when in a wilderness journey, we need to understand what we are going through, for if we don't, the season in which we are in will result to us responding incorrectly by making our own decision of resolutions rather than waiting on the timing of God. If we don't pay attention to the signs to stay in this season until God directs us out, we will experience a lot of frustration and may make some mistakes that could be costly. Just know that when we are in our wilderness journey, it's because this is the precise place God wants us to be in right now. We've made no mistake to result to this time of hardship and the trials we are currently facing.
Remember, the Lord doesn't stop working in our lives when we are in the wilderness. God leads us through it and without Him we could never make it through. Jesus is a great example of this when he was in the wilderness for forty days with no one around. The devil tempted him while He was in the wilderness and yet Jesus defeated him with the Word of the Lord.
When we go through a wilderness journey, remember the wilderness is not a time to look for signs, blessings, abundance, but it's a time to see the heart of God which will produce character and strength within us. We need to drop the ME, ME, ME mentality as if God owes us something and begin to realize it's about the relationship and faith we need to hold with God. This moment in time is when our love for Him matures beyond the "What will God do to benefit me?" and turn it into "What does He desire of me?"
I know during these types of seasons we want to figure out what God is up to and where He is taking us, but God knows the way, we just need to trust Him during the journey. Don't lose heart friends, especially during these difficult seasons. The Lord knows we are ready to grow more and reach the next point of maturity in our spiritual journey.
In this season in my life, I have discovered a new way of seeking God and enduring the difficult season in life. I used to go through life enduring the hard seasons and depending on the Lord but realizing now, once He helped me, I went back to being comfortable and focusing on things not of the kingdom and placing God on the back burner of my days. With trials comes the lessons and the victories; however, we are supposed to grow from what we experience not stay comfortable.
This time around, I continue to remind myself to put God first in all things. Start and end my day with Him, include Him in ALL THINGS, and most importantly spending time with God equally in the good and bad times. I am guilty of not spending enough time with God when life is good. I invested my time in work, friends, other matters of the world (which isn't bad), and with the pandemic occurring I was convicted of how busy I was in doing the day to day that I only gave God time before bed.
So with everything that has happened in the last year for me, I've grown out of that habit and have constantly checked on myself in spending quality time learning more of God's word and developing the correct character according to the way God designed for us to be. It is important that we reflect the character of Christ within ourselves so when the rest of the world who doesn't know of the Lord wonders how we can find Joy in all circumstances, they will see the light of Christ shinning in our lives and have a wanting to experience that joyful life.
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