"Surrender to what is, Let go of what was, Have faith in what will be".
-Sonia R
2020 has been a tough year for all and we have finally entered a long awaited new year. As we embark on this new year with hopes of getting back to our normal lives when COVID didn't exist, what will we bring into this new year that we've learned from enduring the last year? I reflect back on what I wrote about in 2019 looking forward to 2020 and realize how everything took its turn and so much of the unexpected happened and goals and plans didn't happen.
A year ago I wrote a post on New Year's Eve about the journey my sister was on and how as a family we endured large trials but we were grateful for such a successful end of 2019. I said goodbye to 2019 in a way of seeing my new adventure of marriage, letting go of the tail end of the unknowns for my sister, and going into 2020 excited and thankful.
We spent Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve in the hospital instead of being able to celebrate normally on an outing or traveling. But I was so thankful to be celebrating those moments and holidays with my sister here, alive, and normal instead of celebrating these holidays outside of the hospital with her gone.
2020 was supposed to be the year we were on the journey to recovery with my sister and entering a new world of so many new opportunities I was excited to venture on. Instead, tumors returned within my sister's brain and were so aggressive that it affected her ability to talk, eat, drink, and later was the cause of everything shutting down for her. At the same time, the rise of COVID-19 began where lock downs were beginning and life was changing.
As a family, we had to experience the unfortunate time of not just my sister passing but also having issues with the mortuary since so many regulations were being placed at the same time. My sister did not have a viewing like normal where people were able to say their goodbyes or even a proper service where love ones could attend. I was only given 15 minutes to say goodbye to my sister and we had to do this in the ID room since they shut down the ability to have a viewing room. On top of that, they were only allowing 2 people inside the room.
In addition to this matter, the day of her burial, people were not allowed to come due to social distancing but I was so thankful to everyone who still showed up even though they were in their vehicles. Then we were stuck at home due to quarantine where we were grieving and unable to leave to get some space outside of our home to heal. Day in and day out I walked passed by sister's bedroom seeing an empty bed, crying over and over with the reality that she was not coming home. Life was difficult in general and was worst with what else happened for my family and I.
Celebrating the holidays outside of the hospital this year was even more terrible than the last. This was a year of many firsts without my sister. I celebrated my birthday without her in which was so odd. The emptiness was really noticeable since we always have birthday traditions as a family. Celebrating mothers and fathers day felt so lonesome since her and I would always collaborate on a plan to celebrate our parents.
There's so many terrible things within 2020 which was the complete opposite of what I was excited for. It was suppose to be a year of more clarity and new and exciting things! Instead of journeying on a road to recovery with my sister, she was taken away from us. With the plans to travel more this year, that was cut off due to COVID. When I thought I was leaving the tail end of 2019 behind, 2020 was a worst continuation.
However, despite all of these uncontrollable and unfortunate situations, there was still positivity that came out of the year. With COVID, I ended up working from home and spent time with my parents. I was able to work from anywhere and have the ability to balance work and life. More of my passions were pursued and I was able to go beyond the plans I had for myself. In 2020, I cooked and baked more, learned other new things, was able to work on this blog more, and towards the tail end of the year, I built the dream my sister and I had when we were kids.
2020 brought devastation but also brought lessons and accomplishments. I've drawn closer to God in my personal relationship especially with such a terrible season this year. So many life lessons can be seen in 2020 that we can take into 2021 with a better outlook on things. See 2020 and the terrible things that happened and find the good in it and bring it to 2021. For me, my sister's passing, the pain that came with that is within 2020 but her memory, the moving forward in life, the new ventures is what's being brought to 2021.
May 2020 be the season we all needed to just be still and reflect. With quarantine, we were left with finding ways to deal with the pandemic and life from our homes, shed some light on how spending time with family and friends means so much more now than it did before, and bringing us to a time where we need to show more love, joy, peace, and kindness towards each other.
This non normal lifestyle we're living now needs to be a part of us finding a balance within our day to day lives. When things clear up for us in the future, let's enjoy what we used to enjoy but also make sure to see and do things differently where we are more grateful and we don't take things and people for granted. Life is so short and we've seen that in the last year with all the different circumstances we've faced. 2020 was a year where so many beautiful souls left the world too soon.
As we welcome 2021 and leave behind the awful 2020, let us still be thankful for what 2020 brought us despite the bad. Find joy in all things for no matter what we face, we will see a brighter tomorrow. We are being molded in our character today to reflect and be better versions of ourselves in the future.
2021, may you bring us all a better year than the last, and may this year be filled with moments and time that we all need to heal from 2020. Wishing everyone a very Happy New Year as we embark and begin a brand new year hoping for a better road ahead.
Yess!